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AS GOOD AS IT GETS

Citroen’s really milking the success of its C4 Picasso and proving there’s more pegs to conquer it now offers a lounge model which is synonymous with its famous rep

My Aunt is quite the performer, always banging on about the hardships of pensioners and her arthritic limbs – neither of which seemed to afflict her when she bounded out of her new Citroen C4 Picasso Lounge like a tireless puppy. Next time the cream cakes are on her, I thought. Can’t afford to keep the heating on at night, my left toe. That’s just an excuse to tuck up at our dinner table when a roast is on the menu. If pigs could fly, she’d have a farm in her backyard. Now don’t get me wrong there are plenty of over 60’s that do have it hard and they deserve every benefit going but my tea swilling, bingo bashing, off for a mini break to Spain look after the cats for me Aunt is not among that fraternity. And I say this not just because I’m jealous that she drives a better car than me but more for the fact that if she’d stop complaining for all of 3 minutes then her Shirley Valentine aspirations may just come true. The Citroen C4 Picasso does after all have four seats, perfect for two mature couples to go off on a jolly to all the crinkly hotspots of Britain. So if we could just set her up with that José down at the golf club then we’d have weekends to ourselves again. Better still she goes back to using her bus pass once she encounters a busy roundabout and a plush little MPV arrives on our driveway.

Yes it’s mean but you don’t have her phoning you up from her broom cupboard at 3am asking you if you think the storm might have caused her microwave to stop working. Honestly, has the woman no concept of what it’s like to come home from a hard day’s graft, have to re-assure your wife there’s no stocking wearing secretary keeping you away until after supper, finish putting up that flaming bookshelve which I could have sworn had mis-fitting pieces sent with it, negotiate with a bleary-eyed 3 year-old to have their midnight wee on the potty and then get a call from my dear old Auntie at some ungodly hour. Let’s see how chirpy she is once my little darlings climb in her Citroen’s leather armchair seats with their bag of melting buttons!

You see, the C4 Picasso Lounge is made for people who can afford to splash out on luxuries and know they’re going to stay that way either because their kids have fled the nest or because they have been trained to sit like little statues and just stare at the passing scenery. The outside world by the way is easily appreciated through the panoramic windscreen and the cabin and boot space is equally generous. At night time those intellectual swots of yours that were cheated out of being children can devour volumes of Thomas Hardy and Mary Shelley novels using their designated reading lamps. There’ll even start to wonder what all the fuss is about in Animal Farm because in their world there’s four seats and they’re all equal; beautiful leather, adjustable head and arm rests, no more pulling the short straw to be squeezed in the middle with their knees tucked up around their shoulders.

Clearly from a branding point of view the lounge is a great move. It makes customers think twice about the need to own a three-pointed star model because nobody can do luxury quite like Stuttgart. They’ve proved it; Citroen can pull off a more demure get up and from the outside too it mixes trendy and fun with sharp, sophisticated taste. The concept is simple but it works; lots of chrome detailing including the 18” alloys and a prominent rear spoiler. It’s available only in a classic jet black and has one choice of engine which is a 2.0-litre HDi diesel married to an automatic transmission. Citroen is obviously confident that no-one could want more than what’s on the menu. Rather like a fine dinning restaurant, you’re not going to get an insecure chef who applies the scatter gun approach to his options list – there’s one speciality and its got heart and soul in every mouthful.

The 138hp engine is polished too, torquey and great for motorway cruising, it isn’t quite so forthcoming at crawling speeds but its got poke when you need it. It takes 12.4 seconds to really get fired up but once at 60mph it will pick off any vehicles slowing its path. Potentially it can travel at 118mph but it’s not a figure that you’re likely to contest, what’s more important in the day to day scheme of things is that it will average around 38.2mpg on a combined cycle and it is perky enough to perform run of the mill driving tasks and make them enjoyable. Even the old battleaxe is happy as there’s no clutch to burn out and no gears to crunch.

The main controls are easily operated when keeping both hands on the wheel but of course you’re not the only factor in keeping you and other occupants safe, you’ve also got anti-lock brakes with electronic brake distribution and electronic brake assist, traction control, seven airbags and a reinforced body structure. At first you feel very sat to attention behind the wheel but its actually quite conducive to better posture (scrap those Pilates machines, auntie and give your osteopath a bit of a holiday) mind you if you take as long as the handbrake to get back in touch well he may well cross you off his list altogether. That aside, there’s not much you can fault about the lounge, you can’t get much more light in a car without it being a drop-top as the liberal sunroof does its job very well. The Phillips sound system with its flat speaker set-up is very of the moment and the mood of the car is kept cosy and illuminated by night due to the LEDs in the door handles and changeable lighting strips in the front console and door panels.

The exclusive lounge model which is only available in the UK makes light work of the whole driving bonanza. As well as having automatic gears, it also has automatic wipers, headlights, cruise control, a speed limiter, digital air conditioning and front and rear parking sensors. Not bad eh? Even for £23,995. So is Citroen going to make a habit of confusing snobby demanding customers or is it more of a design exercise? Who cares if you’ve got the budget it’s a neat special edition and by association (to the standard C4 Picasso) has an impeccable reliability record. Although from a practical point of view it’s still an MPV which has less seats than most Superminis and it doesn’t have the off-roading capabilities like many MPV’s in its price bracket do. With this in mind I can only guess that it would be mainly people of retirement age that would benefit from such opulence for opulence sake - and why not!

Verdict

FOR: swanky looks, loads of equipment, keen engine and roomy enough to have to yell across the cabin
AGAINST: Less seats, more money, cheaper badge
CONCLUSION: Well it needs no case put forward for its quality and desirability so it just depends on how lavish you’re feeling and whether or not you’d miss 4WD and an extra seat

Spec

ENGINE: 2.0-litre 4cyl, turbodiesel
Co2 (g/km)/tax: 195
0-60mph (sec): 12.1
TOP SPEED: 118mph
MPG: /-/-/38.2mpg (urban/extra-urban/combined)
TRANSMISSION: Six speed Automatic
PRICE: £23,995
RIVALS: Honda CR-V ES, Hyundai Santa Fe CDX, Mercedes B-Class SE, Vauxhall Signum